While getting a divorce may be the best thing for everyone, it doesn’t mean that it’s the easiest. Trying to get through the whole ordeal in a civilized and mature manner can prove more difficult than you thought it would. If you have children, they may be having a hard time accepting that their parents are going to be living in different households and that their lives are going to be changing somewhat. With all the family lawyers around and meetings and possible trials that everyone has to go through, finding time to make sure your children are handling things probably can be put on the back burner. You have to make sure that your kids know that they are the priority still. here are a few ways to help your kids handle your divorce.
- Handle Your Emotions
First and foremost, you have to make sure that you are not spouting off your emotions about the whole situation to your kids. They can’t handle it like you can. They look to their parents for their stability and if they think that mom or dad are losing it, they are not going to handle that very well. Children tend to glean from their parents emotions. It doesn’t matter how old they are or if they seem mature enough to handle it- they can’t. Keep that in mind. The emotions that you portray, even if you are not talking to them about how you feel, will be the emotions that they take on. So, if you walk around moping and depressed, they will begin to feel the same at an even higher level. However, if you remain positive though realistic and honest, they’ll be able to see that it’s okay to be sad sometimes but that overall, this really is best.
- Don’t Badmouth Your Ex-Spouse
One of the worst things that parents do when they are getting a divorce is to try and get the kids on one or the other’s side. Don’t pit yourself against your spouse. It’s important that your children know that you both are still a united front when it comes to raising them. Teenagers catch on to this very quickly and try to play parents against one another sometimes. Don’t all of a sudden become your child’s best friend. You need to remain the responsible parent, in control at all times. This will continue to give your child the stability that is needed. Any lawyer will tell you that once parents start bad mouthing each other in front of the kids, that’s when things go down hill very quickly.
- Be Approachable
Let your kids know that you are open to talk about anything. While you don’t want to vent to your children about the situation, if they have questions, they should know that they can ask and you will give them honest answers. It’s also important that they know that the lawyers are on their side to and will speak to them regarding anything that they wish. Nothing should be off limits when it comes to helping the kids understand what’s going on. They have to know that you and your spouse still love them and that is not going to change. They need to know that they are the priority and that this is absolutely not their fault. A recent study done by speaking with lawyers showed that in a vast majority of divorce cases, the children believe that they did something to cause the divorce. Make sure your kids know that that is not true.
- Make Time for Them
You are going to be very busy with the divorce proceedings. Even when you are not busy, you will likely be preoccupied. If you have children, you can not afford to be lost in your own thoughts. There is a time and a place for that, but when you are supposed to be spending time with your children, that is not the time nor the place. Carve out time for your kids where you don’t think or talk about the divorce. Just enjoy being with them and doing fun things with them. Show them that life is still going to be enjoyable even if it is going to be somewhat different.